Ina

It was always told in Religion class that death is a stage in our life that should not be feared as it is at this time that we come to live with our creator in paradise. This belief is what I have been holding on to since I have learned the concept of death. It is what kept me from being "at peace" and not questioning the reasons why people have to die. However, it is different when a loved one has moved on to paradise.

My grandmother passed away last Sunday.

It wasn't something that happened suddenly. We all knew that her health was slowly deteriorating. We were hoping for the best but was preparing for the worst. As her health slowly deteriorated, I felt helpless. I wished that I could take away the pain that she felt. But there was nothing that I could do but to kiss her on the forehead and asked her to try to eat more. In short, I wanted her to fight to stay with us. The look on her face and the frailty of her body sent a piercing pain on my heart. Unfortunately, our worst fear happened. Ina, my grandmother was gone.

No matter how hard I try to convince myself that she is now in a better place, a big part of me still wishes that she's still here. I know it is selfish but right now this is how I feel. A lot of 'what ifs' have crossed my mind, and I wish that I could resolve them. One of these is to be able to repay the time and effort she has given to care for us when my brother and I were still young and our parents were out working. She has become our second mother. And because of the kind of lifestyle that we have right now, the busy schedules, the deadlines that have to be met and the responsibilities that need to be done, only a minute fraction of her care and love for us were reciprocated.

I'm sorry Ina for not doing more.

I love you.

I cannot stress how this message has made an impact on me. I hope you would all take the time to watch this.